All About Love Day 9: Sarah at Musing of the Modern Belle

Hello Ladies and Gents,

Today on day 9 we have an incerdibly moving and non fictional story from Sarah at Musing of the Modern Belle!

She really is sharing some intimate moments and tells us what love is.

She is also offering TWO Amazon Gift Cards 5 USD each for two lucky winners!

 

This giveaway is closed and the winner will be drawn in a few minutes 😉

All you have to do is:

*comment below;

*follow/like Sarah either at https://www.facebook.com/MusingsoftheModernBelle/  or http://www.modernbellebooks.com/

****Giveaway open on Facebook too so we’ll add all entries and draw two winners.***

Thank you Sarah!

This might be a tad on the morbid side, but bear with me.

I promise this idea ties to Valentine’s day and the idea of love.


My musings…

“Love is watching someone die”

~ “What Sarah Said” by Death Cab for Cutie

Love is such an abstract idea. It has many meanings, many levels, and no one’s love is the same as another. And while this idea is an intangible one, it is one humans search for with ardor, one they will go to the ends of the earth to find. So it leaves one to ponder, what is love?

For me there have been a few moments in my life when the idea of love crystallized, when it appeared to be so tangible that I could reach out and touch it. The first time I can truly recall seeing love was when my grandfather was watching over my grandmother as she was being given her last rites before emergency open heart surgery. He sat by her bed, her hand in his, taking her all in as if he was trying to catalogue every last feature of her face and commit it to memory. It was clear in that moment that his whole world was lying on that bed. That he would in fact be lost without her, a shell of the man he was if she didn’t make it. All of these emotions and feelings were conveyed through only his eyes as he gazed upon her. Thankfully, my grandmother’s surgery was a success, but my once stolid grandfather grew a bit more tender in the days that followed, or maybe I just become more attuned to the love that emanated from both of them. Many years later, the roles reversed when my grandfather was rushed to the hospital in the early hours of the morning, fighting Sepsis. We all thought he would pull through, and spent most of our time tending to our grandmother, providing her emotional support and making sure she was eating and drinking, but nothing could have prepared us for the moment when the alarm started going off in his room. My grandmother refused to leave the chair sitting just outside his room, tears rolling down her cheeks as she watched the medical staff fight to save him. Even though it gutted her, she would not relinquish her last moments with the man she had loved since she was 17. Her heart shattered that day, and she was admitted to the hospital not even a few hours after his passing. With his death, a piece of her went with him, and, although she lived for a couple years after, her light died out that day.

Personally, at the age of 33, I have seen similar looks on the face of my husband two times over the last 4 years. Since you don’t know my husband, just know that that he doesn’t do emotion. It makes him uncomfortable. He doesn’t like to hold hands, he mumbles the words “I love you,” and he gives the cheek more often than not for a kiss. He has been this way since we started dating at the age of 16. He expresses his love through actions – in the way he cares for his family, by taking care of the house, by making dinner, and by making sure that we are taken care of in all ways before he travels out of town for his job. I know he loves me, but like my grandparents, there are two distinct moments that I could see it in his eyes and feel it in my bones. The first time is when I had to tell him that the doctor called to inform me that I had melanoma. I was terrified, but it was stage zero. They cut it out, and for me, that was the end of it. It wasn’t for him. This man, I swear he should buy stock in suntan lotion (anything 50+ SPF). He will literally chase me on the beach to make sure I am wearing sunscreen and to reapply it. He has placed suntan lotion in every car and pool bag we own, he will force hats on my head, and he will force me to sit in the shade at any opportunity. While annoying, I know that his behavior stems from his fear that melanoma could return, and maybe, this time, I won’t be so lucky. The second time was when we were at the hospital after two days of chest pains that I tried ardently to brush off as nothing. I can admit nothing could have prepared me for the moment when the nurse informed me I was being admitted with a pulmonary embolism. My husband, for the first time that I can remember, looked scared. The same look I saw appear on my grandfather’s face sat firmly on his. I found him holding my hand or just gazing at me from across the room. When we left, he proceeded to research everything about PE: medications, nutrition, causes, etc. because that is who he is and how he shows love. He checked with me constantly about taking my pills, going as far as to set alarms on my phone. For him, these two moments showed him what life would be like without me, the woman he has been with since the age of 16. We often joke, now, about wanting to die before the other one, but there is truth behind it. I can’t imagine a world without him, and not because he is my soulmate (I don’t really believe in that idea) but because he is my best friend (admittedly my insanely attractive and intelligent best friend), one of the few people in this world who knows my thoughts and feelings with just a glance. I would honestly be lost without him, and a life without him would be one devoid of happiness.

“Every plan is a tiny prayer to father time”

~ “What Sarah Said” by Death Cab for Cutie

So what is love? Love is making plans, doing those day-to-day activities that make up what seems to be our average, ordinary lives. It is chasing down your loved one to cover them with suntan lotion, going to the grocery story so they can get caught up on work, brushing his/her hand over yours, sharing an inside joke with a quick glance. Love is also about making the bigger plans as well – building a family together (whether that is kids, pets, or a collection of friends), travelling, achieving in work, or whatever you both want to achieve sided by side.

So during the month of February, and all the other months, make all the plans. Don’t rush through each day giving quick I love yous and hasty kisses running out of the door. Don’t get caught up in the day-to-day activities of life and lose sight of the people who mean the most to you, the ones who would cause a part of us to die if we lost them, the ones who, like my grandparents, would rather sit through the final moments of life witnessing death and feeling the heart-shattering pain of their loss just to grasp those final moments together, the ones who will watch you die.


Check out a live recording of “What Sarah Said”!

LYRICS for “What Sarah Said” by Death Cab for Cutie

Written by Benjamin Gibbard / Nicholas Harmer

And it came to me then
That every plan
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes
In the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths
As I said to myself
That I’d already taken too much today
As each descending peak
On the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me
Amongst the vending machines
And year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It sung like a violent wind
That our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were truth
I would rather loose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around
At all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
Cause there’s no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round
And everyone lifts their head
But I’m thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who’s gonna watch you die


I hope you stuck it out, and it was too morbid. After all, I did promise you that!
 
Happy Valentine’s Day!
 
Sarah’s bio

I’m a 32 year old English teacher who spends my days discussing the classics with 10th graders and spends my nights with my nose in steamy romance books. When I’m not consuming stories, I’m spending my time with my husband, my two girls, and our golden retriever, Gatsby.

I have always enjoyed reading, but, after graduating from college and starting my career as a teacher, my reading time had decreased to almost nothing.  With each passing year, I got more and more free time and realized that I missed reading and getting lost in books.  So, I wanted to try to get back into it, and romance had always been a genre I loved, so I started there.  After scanning through Amazon’s pages of romance books, I decided to take a chance on J. Daniel’s Sweet Addiction (Sweet Addiction, 1), and I was hooked (How does one not get hooked on Reese?).  I suddenly began consuming this genre at a ravenous pace, and there has yet to be a sub-genre of romance  that I have not enjoyed (sometimes the more taboo, the better).  I now read anywhere from 4-6 books a week and spend countless hours talking about books with my friends or various on-line acquaintances through Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, and Instagram, and looking for good deals.  

 

And you dear reader, did you marry your highschool sweetheart? Found the perfect match?

Thanks for reading!

Sophie

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10 Replies to “All About Love Day 9: Sarah at Musing of the Modern Belle”

  1. Beautiful story , Sarah. I can definitely recognize what you wrote about grandparents. It was the same with mine. I’m glad to hear you’re healthy now. Once again what a powerful story

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Thank you Malene! I love what Sarah shared with us. 🙂

  2. Beautiful story…not morbid!! You’re a very lucky lady!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      That’s what I told Sarah. This is not morbid this is beautiful.

  3. Sarah is a really lucky lady! Her grandparents story was beautiful and quite heart touching!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      That’s what I thought too Raven 😉 And you have another grandparents story coming in a few days. It seems they set the bar high!

  4. I used to love Death Cab for Cutie 🙂 that’s a beautiful story about the grandparents… Aw man. This post is giving me the tearies. So strong…

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Me too Evelina! Full force when I read it for the first time 😉

  5. I love that your husband chases you around with sunscreen. That is amazing and hilarious and true love! You are a lucky lady!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Isn’t that right Brittany? <3

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