Did you have a bad day today? Yes? Then let’s have a “pee your pants” post! Top 5 funniest characters this Top 5 Tuesday

Hi dear friends,

Did you have a bad day today? You know one of these days when you wake up abd everything, I mean absolutely everything goes wrong?

It begins with a power outage at night  and your alarm clock did not wake you up on time.

You woke up startled and began racing to the bathroom. Of course you were in such a rush that your contact lens got lost in the sink and you had to unearth your old ugly pair of glasses.

When you tried to cook your breakfast you burned the toasts and the fire alarm raged alive activating the sprinklers and … dousing you in water! Mascara running on your cheeks and brushing ruined you had to begin it all anew.

When you finally made it to the office, after having nearly been ran over by a mad taxi driver while you were crossing the street (yes yes you were busy looking at your phone to check on all the missed calls from your boss but …rude!) you had to suffer all day long listening to your coworker’s last sobby breakup. Add some coffe spilled on very important papers, one of your heel that got lost stuck in the lift (that small indented space at the lift’s treshold decided he was fed up with you stomping on it every day and he took its revenge: stabstabstab! 😀 ) yada yada.

On the way back to home you dreamed of eating a gallon of ice cream, the one with cookie dough but of course when you opened the freezer at the store it was to realize that it had been taken by a man who entered just before you. As it is not your lucky day he isn’t tall broody and handsome so it won’t end like it would in a romance movie. No he is smelly, big and nasty so you don’t dare say anything!

At last you reach your home and ponder on this hellish day.

 

Well if you’ve had that kind of a day and even if your day was perfect, I have the best post to cheer you up!

Shanah @bionicbookworm has asked us about our funniest characters today!

And what better way to appreciate their humor than give you some funny quotes right?

 

So let the show begin!

 

I love Rosie from The Virgin Romance Novelist by Meghan Quinn.

Seriously her quest to have her first sexual intercourse because of course, a romance novelist has to know what she is writing about was hilarious!

Years after I still recall the scene she went to wax her lady parts. First she had to have a pep talk:

“Giving myself a pep talk, I peeked into my pants and told my vagina that even though what was about to happen to her was construed by the devil himself, I still loved her and hopefully, such actions would bring great rewards in the future.” 

Then she was met by an intimidating tall and “Greta looking” (her name was Marta) beautician who was not very delicate in the process!

“Marta ripped my butthole right off my body to join my other lady bits in the graveyard of broken and torn private parts.”

After all this she was so hurt that she used baby powder to soothe her lady parts, creating quite a white cloud when she went dancing and twirling in a flowing skirt at the nightclub! 😀 

And one last parting quote:

”After just grabbing my banana and flicking my tongue across it, I can see the aPEEL. God, I’m so funny. After my blowjob crash course, I feel like I can tackle the world, one penis at a time…hopefully.”

 

Then you have Miss Fresh from Lifl1k3 series by Jay Kristoff because she is sarcasm incarnate!

You can count on her to tell you if you look bad:

“Riotgrrl! You look like ten miles of rough road. And you smell like my pits after a hard day’s work.”

She will always look at the bright side of things:

“Ana Monrova” Lemon sighed, “Last scion of the Monrova clan.”

“Yeah”

“…I guess that means you’re rich, huh?”

“I guess.”

“Will you buy me a pony?”.

 

Third funny character: Moti from Moti on the Water by Leylah Attar

Moti’s brand of funny is fresh, spontaneous, subtle and thoughtful!

She taught me that : “I put on my sunglasses, because that’s the polite way to ogle hot people.”

She is prone to hilarious accidents : “Next thing I knew, my chair toppled over the edge of the platform with me on it. I gasped as I hit the floor. The sparkling grape juice I’d been holding up to toast Isabelle and Thomas splashed on my face like a cold, rude bitch-slap. Miraculously, no one seemed to notice, given that I was pretty much hidden behind the cake. I might’ve recovered, gotten off the floor, picked up my chair and, “Heigh-ho, back to work I go.” But no.

She is jealous of men’s butt: “We glared at each other. He had a very nice butt. Okay, nice wasn’t the word. He had a spectacular butt—round and firm. Unlike mine, it was smooth and dimple-less, which made me glare at him harder.”

And had it all spot on about what makes a marriage a success:

“I had a newfound respect for married people. Taking wedding photos was hard work and also, the last chance to see what your partner morphed into under extreme pressure.”

“If Isabelle couldn’t get any fairer, Thomas was just going to have to get darker. Bake, Thomas, bake.”

She even invents rhymes : “

Walk-On-The-Beach Shot turned into a trot because the sand was unbearably hot.

 

My fourth character is Nathaniel Thorn from A Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson

Once again he is sarcastic and has a dry humor! Nathaniel Thorn is a master at irony and sarcasm.

Always unruffled even in dire circumstances he had the best come backs! He reminded me of Jace Wayland or …….

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he inquired. “You used a demonic incantation to pack my stockings!” He raised an eyebrow. “You’re right, that doesn’t sound like something a proper evil sorcerer would do. Next time, I won’t fold them.”

He is a little bit cocky too and is used to female attention :

“Hastily, she snatched her hands from him and backed away. To her dismay, he grinned. “Don’t worry,” he assured her, smoothing his tousled hair. “Young ladies have seized me in far more compromising locations. I understand the impulse can be overpowering.”

Even if fending unwanted female attention requires quite the skill set:

“I’m ruining your reputation, aren’t I?” she asked, watching the spectacle unfold. “Don’t worry,” Nathaniel said. “I’ve been hard at work trying to ruin my reputation for years. Perhaps after this, influential families will stop trying to catapult their unwed daughters over my garden fence. Which actually did happen once. I had to fend her off with a trowel.”

When his female companion is threatened by attackers, he has his own way to deter them :

“She’s stringy,” he insisted as the fiends advanced, speaking in a conversational tone. “A bit gamey. Do you see all that hair? There’s practically nothing underneath it.”

And he also is a fast learner:

“I thought you didn’t know how to drive a carriage,” she shouted over the pounding of hooves. “Nonsense,” Nathaniel shouted back. “I’m a fast learner when properly motivated.”

 

And my last character for today is Avery from Naked Love by Jewel E Ann because she is her own brand of fun!

Avery is a delicate flower and she knows it:

“Pain slices along my hand, shooting up my arm, as a cold sweat breaks out along my brow from the nausea settling into the pit of my stomach. I admit it—if only to myself—I, Avery Montgomery, am a wuss. I’ve cancelled clients because of an irritated hangnail. Menstrual cramps leave me bedridden for twenty-four hours. And I’m one of those patients who require nitrous oxide just to get my teeth cleaned. It’s genetic. There has to be a low pain tolerance gene.”

Do you picture Avery, diva to her painted toes and nails?

I was already grinning like a fool! Seriously I must have looked like a deranged woman so many times while reading this on the train!

After her rich boyfriend lied to her about not loving chocolate she drove to her dad because when you are wronged and hurt you go see daddy! But her widower of a dad has met someone online.

And that my friends was another scene where I nearly peed my pants again!

“Excuse me, what did you say?” He grins like someone … No. No, no, no … he’s not in love. He’s not standing two feet from me looking all giddy and gaga. It’s exhaustion. I’m hallucinating. After a long nap, this will all make sense.” (…) “Deedy is a guy with a big dick who likes to wear women’s clothes. This won’t end well. But he’s my dad.”

And her inner monologues are priceless!

My days of being the apple of my father’s eye are over. He’s robbing the cradle, and Anthony likes chocolate. What is happening to the world?”

But Avery is capable of deep thoughts and fundamental thuths : “

“Karma is Like 69 You Get What You Give

 

Now that you’ve read about my funniests give me yours please!

Thanks for reading.

Sophie

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33 Replies to “Did you have a bad day today? Yes? Then let’s have a “pee your pants” post! Top 5 funniest characters this Top 5 Tuesday”

  1. Nice list! I totally agree with you on Lemon Fresh! She was amazing! I haven’t read Sorcery Of Thorns yet but Nathaniel sounds like my kind of guy.

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oh yes Raven he is funny in a “straight face” way LOL

  2. The Sorcery of Thorns quotes make me want to read it even more!
    Your post intro had me laughing out loud. 🙂

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oh Nicci I promise you’ll have a wonderful time!

  3. Oh, the days where you have to fight with a contact lens. Never a good start to the day.
    The quotes from the Meghan Quinn book had me laughing out loud! 🙂

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      She is the best at funny Tanya!

  4. Lemon Fresh must be included. Nathaniel sounds like a guy I’d enjoy reading – love the snark.

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oh Teri Nathaniel is the best ;-)))

  5. I haven’t read any of these, so there are lots I need to add to GR! These sound like perfect pick-me-ups. 🙂

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oh they are I swear!

  6. My day wasn’t quite as bad as yours and I wish I had one of these books to read right now. Sure could use some laughs! LOL

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Well Laura pick one and try it 😉

  7. Awwww what an awful day!! Thank goodness you had this post to write Sophie!! 😉 You know how much I love Lemon Fresh!! She is such a riot hahaha And actually while I didn’t love Sorcery of Thorns I did find Nathanial super funny. I loved the ironic things he said. ❤️

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oooh did you just make a word play Dani????? LMAO!

  8. What struck me the most about your list was the variety of genres represented. Nice. I have read several of Quinn’s books, and she definitely knows how to bring the funny, and Kristoff has a great sense of humor too, so I am not that surprised to see him on your list. I have seen a lot of good buzz for Moti, that it even added it to my Amazon wishlist.

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oh yes Sam read Moti please!!!! I can’t wait for your reactions!!!

  9. Why are some days like that? And I hate losing a contact lens! I almost lost one yesterday, in fact- took me a few minutes to find it. Irritating. 🙂

    Anyway fun quotes.

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Hahaha yes Greg why are some days like that indeed!

  10. Yikes! This sounds like Friday the 13th, only on a Tuesday. I hope tomorrow goes much better. The only character I’m familiar with is Lemon Fresh who I loved as well. When I think of a funny fictional character, the first one who pops into my head is Charley Davidson from Darynda Jones’ series.

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oh I will have to look for that Darynda Jones’series Kim!

      1. The first book is First Grave on the Right.

  11. I’m currently reading Sorcery of Thorns! Nathanial is the perfect pick, I love his sense of dry humor!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oh I am so happy that you love him too!

  12. I’m desperate to read Sorcery of Thorns! And I love all the quotes! This is such a great post 🙂

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Thank you Shanah!!!

  13. Omg I forgot about Nathaniel…how could I do that??!!!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Yes Caro how could you???? LMAO

      1. I will slap myself for a punishment!!!

  14. Nathaniel Thorn sounds like my favourite type of character so I definitely need to get around to reading A Sorcery of Thorns ASAP haha!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oh Rose I really hope you’ll love it!

      1. Thank you!

  15. Oh, no! You had a REALLY bad day! Hope that’s it for the year, lol. These quotes were great, thanks for sharing 🙂

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Hahahah thank you Jacquie!

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