When grocery shopping is worthy of West Point! Get ready to strategizinge for a battle!

Hi friends,

 

Today I wanted to write some fun and short post to lighten the mood amidst the doom and gloom that Covid 19 is!

It was inspired by my latest shopping expedition when I thought that I was really planning this all grocery buying like I would go to battle! Something that used to be so easy suddenly took a turn into West Point academy!

You need proof? Ok let’s begin!

 

The goal: take the flag as in come back with a full cart without being touched by the enemy (literally) or even breathe in his vicinity! Avoid all bombs and mines as well.
Follow that strategy:
1) Choose the time where the enemy is the weakest: not dawn or dusk as shops are closed but lunch time when they are empty. Everyone is eating. At worst they’ll be in a food coma and slow to move whilst you’ll be fast as quicksilver (of course, don’t eat before dumbass!).
2) Put your protecting gear: home made mask (if you need instruction on how to make it just holler) and gloves.
3) Have your weapon at the ready: the shopping cart to keep the advised distance between you and the other shoppers. It also can be used to bump into other carts and spill the food piled in your enemy’s cart, distracting him while you’ll snatch the last toilet paper tray on the shelf!
4) Be patient to strike when the time is right: when that lady hesitates for hours in front of the carrots and you also need them you have to wait at a respectable distance away. All these years guadring the fort at night will be useful. Consider playing a game on your phone or read a book to pass the time.
5) Lead the enemy where you want him to go: away from your coveted last tray of toilet paper. Be smart: “Oh! I have seen a customer sneeze repeatedely on that tray! He’s been removed from the shop by a security guard in a hazmat. I’d be you I would flee” .
6) When your cart is full go to the cashier and avoid at all cost engaging in conversation! Even from afar, it’s a trick to distract you and steal the precious toilet paper in your cart. Be focused and don’t leave your loot out of sight!
7) Once everything has been paid and unloaded at home: decontaminate like you would some nuclear waste! Any cleaning and sanitizing product will help. Wash your hands repeatedly like you would wash your skin if it had been in contact with any chemical weapon.
8) You may take care of the weak and the wounded: deliver the ordered goods to your old mom, your sick neighbor (keeping your distance of course) your ….
8) Last,  report to the chain of command alias: your wife or your husband or your kids or … All mistakes will be judged in martial court. The punishment will be severe: no Netflix bing for you tonight as you messed up and forgot the chocolate chips cookies.

Now do tell me: does this look like what you are experiencing these days?

Stay safe and thanks for reading!

Sophie

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32 Replies to “When grocery shopping is worthy of West Point! Get ready to strategizinge for a battle!”

  1. Love this post! It was hilarious but also close to reality. Thank you for sharing your tips!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Happy to have made you laugh Raven!!!

  2. Sooo grateful I’m sending Himself out to deal with the enemy – my hero and warrior… Now if he could only return with some hand santitizer we’d be golden:)). Great post and many thanks for the giggles throughout:))

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Oooh I am seriously considering sending himself too LOL

      1. He comes back full of excitement when he has managed to track down toilet paper and antibac wipes:))

  3. Haha it really is an ordeal!!! I also had a list and a backup list and a last resort list! For example I wanted to make tacos, but if they didn’t have ground beef, I could use those pre-cooked shredded chicken things. If both of those fail then just grab anything thats edible and figure it out later!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Wow I am impressed Brittany! That’s organisation!

  4. Hahaha you created your own Art of War! You go girl! 😛 Thanks for sharing, Sophie!! 😀

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      You are most welcome! Happy I made you laugh 😉

  5. Angy Quintero says: Reply

    How about online shopping? It’s the safest!!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      I wish Angy! That’s what I used to do before Covid but now they are overwhelmed and shut that option!

  6. Fun post, Sophie! Who would have thought we’d be going through something like this.

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Exactly Laura!

  7. Haha, I’m glad I’ve been getting my groceries delivered! We do have to decontaminate them, but it’s much less stressful than going to the store.

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      I wish I could get them delivered too AJ!

  8. Waiting for people to make their selection so you can pass is the most painful thing! This one woman was really struggling with the three choices in front of her and was taking FOREVER!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      I know Sam! We really are learning patience these days!

  9. #4 Definitely came into play for me in the meat aisle. I had to wait forever for this lady to move away from the steaks so I could look for something called “steak tips”. I thought she’d never move on down to the chicken!!!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      It’s so frustrating right??

  10. Alexandra @bookblurbca says: Reply

    Ha! Ha! This was us today, Sophie, when our groceries were finally delivered. We set up a wash station, and coordinated how everything was sanitized and stowed safely or put in quarantine for 24 hours!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      See Alexandra? But you began first, I only followed LOL

  11. Thanks for the laughs, Sophie!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      You are so welcome teri!

  12. Yeah this about sums it up. I am glad you could turn this into a fun post as it really is stressful and this way at least we can laugh about it. I did manage to snatch some toilet paper during my last grocery run surprisingly. Still no flour though and I am running low on that.

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Lola no flour here too or at least not the baking type! It seems that everyone is bored in lockdown and wants to bake!

  13. Hahaha so funny and so true over here!! It’s like being in an episode of the Twilight Zone!!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Exactly Susan!!! A real dystopian novel LOL

  14. Brilliant!!!!

    I have to go shopping on Wednesday so I’ll do some of these!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Thank you Caro and …I hope you enjoyed your shopping LOL

      1. It was worrying!

  15. HAHAHAHAHAHA I’M DYING SOPHIE!!! THIS IS EPIC!!!

    1. BewareOfTheReader says: Reply

      Thank you Sophie!

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